My First Step of Self-Reflection…
Having conquered fifty-three years of marriage, I am constantly drawing from my Grandmother’s wisdom. One of the most recent advise she has given me, which I am still trying to grasp is, “A woman sets the tone of her household; create a home your husband wants to come to, not one he dreads”. Even the Bible says, “Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.” (Pro 21:19)
I’m not married, I pray one day I will be a wife and a mother, but until that day comes I had to look back at the relationships both intimate and friendships that I’ve had and how I acted in these relationships. Did I set the tone were people wanted to be in my presence or was I avoided because I had too much drama or attitude? What type of home did I currently have; was it a pleasant loving atmosphere? Or one filled with strife and anger?
There comes a time in a single man and woman’s life when we have to do what the late, great Michael Jackson asked us to do and “Look at the man in the mirror”. You can read numerous articles about why there are so many single women and we automatically want to blame our male counterparts and men want to point the finger at us but with one finger pointed there are three pointed back at you. We need to pull up a chair and face ourselves. Look in the mirror at your reflection and have a conversation with that man/woman in the mirror. Do you like what you see? Are there areas of improvement? Would you love or want the person looking back at you?
I had to do this just yesterday, after I realized all of my actions were producing the exact opposite results of what my intentions were. Ultimately I sabotaged myself and inevitably pushed him out of my life by being a “contentious and angry woman”. Who wants to live or deal with that? When I finally sat down in front of the mirror I realized “Tammi I don’t even want to deal with you right now.” Sometimes it has to get THAT real; where you look yourself in your eyes and say “You need to get yourself together because the problem is YOU!”
Once you take responsibility for your own actions, you are able to take the first step in being that man or woman your spouse loves to come home to. When I think about my future marriage, I see laughter, fun, and passion. Of course, there is so much more but I want my husband to be my best friend and I have fun with my friends, we enjoy each others company and that is the ultimate goal, to enjoy the 50+ years I plan on spending with my husband. And in order to even get a chance at the first year I must focus on the “woman in the mirror” and get her together. Let’s stop point the fingers and really try to figure this out.
